Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Pa-thai-tically wrong..

Last Saturday I had a blast at LaQueen. It was just fantastic. Music was awesome and all of my wonderful frens were there. There was Andre & gang, Shamel & gang and me & gang (maddy & hedy) all merged into one. When we neared the dancefloor, I was about to stare at maddy. Just wondering what his face expression wud be like looking at all the shirtless men walking by and dancing the hell out on the floor. To my not so surprise feeling, I looked to my left, he wasn't there! I looked to my right for hedy, he wasn't there as well! Both were drowned in the sea of shirtless men. I on the other case spent $79.90 on a party shirt bought at the Curve earlier to fancy myself of looking good at the club, but the crowd was more interested in bare skin rather than on my gorgeous shirt. I felt stupid. Shud hv just wore whatever I had in the closet rather then spending that much on a shirtless disco. Bodoh kan i?Its like buying a gorgeous pair of Prada Mocassin shoe to wear to a kenduri only to know it's a kenduri baca tahlil dalam rumah and kena bukak kasut…Baik pakai selipar people! Aarrgghh..

The club closes at 3am. All of us then went downstairs to chill out and catch up on things. I cud see everyone was chatting away in different sets of groups with eyes wondering in search of a good looking chap to stare at. I then make my way to the planter box to sit & rest for a moment. Suddenly, there was this chap came sitting next to me. I was looking down at the moment looking at the damage I've done to my shoe after all the dancing & feet stepping by shirtless men. As I looked up, the guy sitting next to me was checking me out, and pulled out a sweet smile. He was really cute. I smiled back & looked down ala-ala malu camtu..vey gatal but in a classy way ok. We then talked and here was the conversation :

ThaiGuy : Whut yur neem?

Me : I'm Ezwan..Whats ur name?

ThaiGuy : I'm Diau

Me : Hah? Teeyau?

Thaiguy : Dioau

Me : Hah, Biao?

ThaiGuy : No..D..I..O..N…Dion.

Me : Oh, ok..Nice to meet you Dion.

*ThaiGuy staring into my eyes in silence*

*I got a lil nervous and smiled looking down*

ThaiGuy : Where u lib?

Me : Somewhere near Ampang. Are you Chinese?

ThaiGuy :Nooo..Aim from Thailand..Muslim fom Bangkok. here for holideh..tumoro go beck..

*I smiled at him and trying not to laugh at his accent. In my mind was Woooww..i've never done a thai guy..Ular Sawa De Cuuuuuuut!!! Kote bengkok maybeeee!(As in Sawa DiKaapp from Bangkok!). I was drooling all over and already had hard on in my jeans*

Me : Oh, ok..

ThaiGuy : U like meeee?

Me : Sure, You're cute.

ThaiGuy : U cute too..u very hensom.

* I was blushing in a sexual flirty way*

Me : Thanks..nice of you.

ThaiGuy : Can I folo u hom?

Me : Huh? Where do u stay?

ThaiGuy : Stay at frens hose..Chedas..far flom u hom?

Me : Yes, very far.

ThaiGuy : Can I folo u hom den?

Me : Sure, why not.

*ThaiGuy got up and head towards his frens to discuss on how to realize his sexual escapade with me later. Then he came with back with his 2 frens. Seemed his frens were'nt keen on him hitting it off with me.*

Thai Fren 1 : Our fren seems to really like you. He wants to go follow u home. But the thing is, its his first time in KL. We're afraid he might get lost. Unless ur willing to send him back to Cheras tomorrow.

Me : Oh, ok. The thing is, I dun have a car. He can take the LRT and manage himself from there. Maybe meet u guys there for instance. I'll take him to KLCC..then let him back safely to you guys.

Thai Fren 1 : Oh, but tomorrow we're all working. All in PJ area. We wont be in KL area.

Thai Fren 1 : Oh, but tomorrow we're all working. All in PJ area. We wont be in KL area.

*Im thinking this negotiation has too many restrictions*

Me : Fine then. Maybe I'll just meet him tomorrow for coffeeor something.

*Im now officially turned off. ThaiGuy then was upset with his frens and discuss further to ensure that he'll be safe with me, but to no avail*

Me : Anyway, its ok. I got to go already. My frens are waiting. I'll call you tomorrow Dion.

ThaiGuy : Ohkeeyy..Sorry yaaaaa..me fren worry for meee..maybe I losss..

Me : Its ok, I understand. Ur first time here. Take care.

*Whole bunch of my frens were there as well, staring from far thinking I hit it off. But when I turned around and walk back alone, there were upset and called me back*

Me Fren1 : Soooo..is he comin home with u? Somebody's gonna get laaaaiiiddd???

Me : No im not!! His fren wudnt allow me to take him back.

*I then told everyone what happened and everyone went to brutal mode*

Me Fren2 : Nooo..ezwan! U must take him home!! What kind of Malaysian citizen are you?? When guest comes, we 'entertain them'. That's a civic responsibility from the government!!

*Everyone then pulled me and circled the ThaiGuy & 2 frens like Gangsters, tapi jalan lenggang & kepit like there's a vagina in between their balls*

Me Fren3 : Eh!! Let ur fren go back with our fren! Do u know my fren here is sooohornyy?? He hasn't been having sex the past 3 months u know! We tried so hard to get him laid!! but he's so picky!! Ur fren is lucky!!

*Oh my gaaaawwwddddd…..I was just overly embarrassed that statement came out!! I did told them that I was horny when were in the club, and that the last sex I had was god knows how long. Didn't know they had to let it out in the open and I was all desperate like. I forgive them anyway, they were all drunk*

Me Fren1 : Ya laaaaa…ur fren cuuute, our fren cuuuute. Let them play laaahhh…
*What language is this?? I was thinking*

Thai Fren1 : Hmm..im just worried of my fren..anyway, I dun like
whats going on at the moment. Just too many people
participating in this negotiation.
*I felt so maluu..but im proud and happy for what my frens did tho..they were all pimping for me. It was hilarious & funny. But theres just too many mak ayam's at once..so, u know how it looked like lah..all big momma & sisters talk at the same time..MESSY..*

Me Fren 4 : Ezwaaaann!! Here, take my credit card! Go check in at a hotel! Whats wrong with you?? Don't let him go!

Me : No lah, its ok..I'll just maybe meet up with him tomorrow. Hedy's calling already. He's dead drunk & mady might be tired. I have to drive everyone home.

*Me Fren 2 was so drunk and upset for no reason and started pointing fingers with frowns all over his face*

Me Fren 2 : Kawan dia tu kong hajaaa laahh!! Tak nak bagi mamat Thai tu balik ngan Ezwan!! Apahaaaaalll??

*I thot this was too much and possibly end this and head home ASAP*

Me : Oklah guys,,I'll meet him tomorrow ok..dun worry..thansk for all u guys done tonite..im fineeeee… okaayyy?
*Everyone somehow had no more energy, and we all disperse*

When I reached home, it just struck me of how difficult it is to get laid nowadays..i didnt really wanted it that much..i just thot that maybe there was a good thing that I didn't take him home..There was a special person I thot of as well.. He knows who he is..It just struck me..that I wud have gotten all disappointed of not getting laid…but I know theres that person who loves me dearly..maybe..not for a day or nite..but for a longer period of time for me to enjoy..


Friday, November 24, 2006

New breed of pathetic straight men..

I've been meaning to share my experience about the issue im bout to elaborate & to just letting it out..I found that there's a new breed of men. I would call them pathetic losers.its about guy's who are willing to sacrifice their girlfriends for something in return..such as wealth, money, materials and as such..

This new breed of men are only found in the straight people's community…gay men can still come to their senses and think 'straight'…

I know 5 lady frens..3 are real ladies and 2 are unreal ladies (drag, nyah, whatever u call it), who are experiencing this scenario..

The story goes like this..they all have boyfrens who love and care for them very much..their boyfrens can only offer love, attention but very little for the lady's closet department. Shoes, bags, perfumes, cosmetics, money, fine dining, latest mobile phones,fancy apartments, cars, etc…with high taste, their boyfrens are lacking to provide that side of the department. With that, these ladies (straight & drags) tend to search for "extra source of income"..by getting to know datuk's, expatriates, and whoever that can fulfill their material needs..even by sleeping with these kind of men to gain designer items that they cant afford themselves. The problem is, even their boyfrens are well aware about it but just tend to ignore the backstage preparation, just wanting to enjoy the show on stage. Their girlfrens all stylo and for other mates to get envy off. And also taking advantage of all the "hard" work that's abusing their girlfriends sexually & morally..by staying in such apartment and living everyday with such luxuries on their girlfren's expense from all the work done..

Where are all the men's ego gone to? Does the word ego still exist in heterosexuals? As far as I know off, gaymen are very protective of their partners and if u think u got something better & someone provides u more then what the other can present, by all means..go. I don't think gay relationships can tolerate this kind of behavior. There will be too much hair pulling, sarcasm and swearing going on around..at the end of the day, one person wins..no win-win situation..someone has to go..

I can never tolerate if my partner has to sleep around just because I cant provide him materials and gifts he's been craving for. I would have boiled hot water with used mop and pour it onto him while sleeping..thats just bloody rude! I would have kicked his ass out of my life instantly! These guys are there and accepting the fact that their girlfrens are object to satisfy other men. Being there to support the ladies to gather as much "victories" as they can..what bastards are these men categorized in? For the hetero's, what if u get married someday? Will he still be 'whoring' u to others? Is it like a business proposition? Its pathetic…so pathetic..straight men are suppose to look after the ladies and being the macho men they're suppose too..but in this case..they're better off as stray dogs. Its also pathetic for the ladies & "ladies" who have relationships with such boyfrens…if u think they cant provide enuff of what u want, and the other party could, whether sexually, materially or love, dump the losers..but most of the ladies still stick to their loser boyfrens..being proud of their achievements with what they earn thru out the whole journey of acidizing those rich men..

I strongly believe..in life..what u do to others..there will be others who shall do the same to you..

How pathetic..

Tuesday, November 7, 2006

Lesbians nite out..

I had a dreadful time the whole of last week. Was down with fever, flu, & throat killing sore throat. It felt like I had to swallow a little kitten down my throat every 5 minutes. It was just extremely painful. One of the causes is that, I didn't remove my tonsils advised by the doctor last year cause it was just scary and the way he described the procedure, laser down my throat, I then decided to withdraw the surgery & just live with it, which in return, led to the extreme pain whenever I have sore throat.

Saturday nite was suddenly all jolly, eventho I was all sick, the whole gang wanted to have an outing and decided to go clubbing at LaQueen. I refused to go thinking that it would worsen my condition as I was about to recover. Hedy was begging me and told me that the whole gang are up for it, which is a very rare occasion to have everyone going down to the club altogether. With much annoyance & sympathy for them but not me with my sick condition & for the sake of grouping spirit, I decided to go. Just to ensure I'll be having a jolly good time & practicing 'the more the meriah" concept, I texted Andre to see weather he & gang are up for it, but no reply. Well, then we made a move.

As we reached LaQueen, I decided one of us should go up first to check out the crowd in order not to disappoint ourselves with crowd only both hands could count & save RM35 per head. There were 8 of us. I had a blast the week before ramadhan begun when I was there, but again, you'll never know.

They all decided that I should be the person to go up to check the crowd cause I know more people than they do. Its ridiculous! I had to spare RM35 to check the crowd & if its pathetic, im the one to bear the cost?? I argued my way and decided to split the cost if the crowd is awful. Everyone agreed.

As I got up the stairs and cud hear the loud music pumping and vibrating the staircase, I couldn't wait to check out the crowd. As I landed my foot on the final step, I overlooked & could see a whole lot of people on the dance floor & wud bravely say, it's a hip crowd. I went down again, whistled everyone like a mamasan calling all the anak ayam & gave them thumbs up! They all started to queue for the entry of RM35 hoping to dance their brains out & enjoy the crowd that I recommended quality & hip. I waited for everyone done paying by the staircase and we all got up together like a bunch of mean girls waiting to enter the crowd and pushing others who wud be in our red carpet like moment.

As we head closer to the dance floor, suddenly it struck most us that the people we were surrounded by happen to be shorter than all of us. Not only they were shorter, they were also in shorts! Some of them. Not only shorter and shorts, they're hair was also short. I then looked and glanced around me for further investigation of the crowd and realized, WE WERE SURROUNDED BY LESBIANS!! Aaarrgghhh!! We want no Boy "Lady's" we want people like us, Lady "Boys"!! Well, we're not lady boys as in maknyah, what I meant is boy like boy..not girl like girl..aarrgghh.. Everyone was furious at me and blamed it all on me for not taking a closer look at the crowd and wasted their RM35 that could be spent on t-shirt at sungai wang rather than on a lesbian party! Why am I to be blamed?? It was so unfair after I was being dragged to the scene without my inner sincere sick self of wanting to go in the first place.

As we all looked and stared at the crowd & trying to scout at least 1 gay men in the room, suddenly I got a tap on my shoulder, it was Zaid, Shamel & 4 other entourage who just arrived. To their surprise as like we did with Zaid busy touching & ensuring his assumed 3 hour made up hair with every strand still intact at its suppose coordinates, whispering to each other like little girls like soseh..soseh..soseh..which meant "why are there a whole bunch of lessies here that we don't know about??

Well, since we paid a whole lot money and considering that there were almost 15 of us altogether merged into one group, we enjoyed the nite together. Then suddenly, I got another tapping on the shoulder. Thinking it must be another 'sister' in crime of mine, I turned around. I couldn't see anyone at the same eye level. Then I had to tilt my head down only to find that it was the little butch lady from my office canteen yang jual air!! Oh my gaaawdd…

She was all friendly and said "tak sangka kita sama ye?" I then responded "sama ke, tak sama pun? I was referring to her manliness and the boots she was wearing with that baggy jeans & white shirt all nicely tucked in that was beyond manhood, and imagining she even grew armpit hair & shave her legs to grow even more hair whereas I shave my arms only to find it disgusting having even a slight of hair there & even trimmed my legs to have a smooth straight & presentable looking legs unlike other straight men who's legs are just covered with forest of curly eeeky looking hair that cud lead to an ant lost if it ends up on either the leg. She then responded "memang tak sama, tapi sama satu bidang lah camtu.." In translation what she meant was I own and eat spongy pussy and you own and suck cock.. I then giggled like a little girl with my hands up my mouth ala malu-malu camtu and to somewhat agreed to her statement "Ye lah kot..sama tapi tak serupa" whatever. I continued to ask her "Girlfren mana?" She responded "Ada kat depan tu, boyfren u mana?" The statement went thru my ears and down thru the nerve systems and trying to go thru my medulla oblongata to process it as a question, and to respond it with an answer. I experience a little "down" syndrome out of sudden due to the insufficient memory space left in my left brain because of too much hurtful experience all spaced up in there with no other memories left to be stored and a statement came out from my mouth after my brains processed the answer that lead me to no choice but to say "I takde boyfren lah.."

Her face changed with her messy unplucked eyebrows frowning. She responded "ye ker..takkan hensem2 macam ni takde orang nak?" I then responded "You hensem lagi, senang dapat awek beb, gua tak hensem cam luu.." I had to end this conversation soon as I realize I began to talk like a dike. Its bad for me. I then tapped her on the shoulder at a 120 degree angle cause she was too short for it to be less than 90 degrees and said "Oklah, I pegi ngan kawan-kawan I dulu ok?enjoy ya?" and quickly fled.

We did have a jolly good time eventhough I was all sick. Well, the next morning when I got up, my flu & cough worsen to what malay call 'Berembun" or staying up all nite. I then thout about last nites outing and realized that..

"Takde jantan sejantan Pengkid, takde perempuan seperempuan pondan"..agreed?

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Abnormal Dating

I had a conversation with someone the other day about relationships..we discussed about how the dating game goes and what to expect from the person you're dating. Seriously, I've encounted many abnormality during dating.Thru my good and pathetic experience, the major problem that I've encountered are people who are just 'not normal'. My definition of normal here means someone who's just cool and relax while dating..Some people just need to relax. Those that I've dated are mostly so overwhelmed and behaving so insecure. Honestly! Its as if im going to leave him by the next minute or so. Its such a turn off for me and never will things work out. I believe some of you do experience such behaviour coming from others onto you. U feel like you're drowning in a sea full of too much attention. It happens most of the time.

Someone normal is somebody who would just be cool & breezy with things. Most importantly, he fells secure knowing that things will be fine, unless when things turn out bit rocky or there's a feeling that someone is about to interfere or trying to cross over his territory. In other words, feeling threatened. Then he'll take action and go all gaga…

THAT! Is acceptable attention…Not when things are ok, and you're just too eager and excited and gave up all your attention and left nothing for the other party to move or do anything for you..

Another fren did say to me.."Get someone who love's you more that you love him.." I don't know about the rest of you, but it just doesn't work with me. Is there such thing as equal love? Or the love equation is always heavier on one side?

If my fren is reading this now, I'm the one who would do the extra loving, not the one to be loved more..cause its not me. I can never handle some1 who loves me more than I love him..it'll never work..for me..When that happens, both are eagerly to love each other more and more..When there's too much love around and no fights, it'll be too boring and you'll tend to go elsewhere to get a gulp of thrill..

Things in life are very complicated and makes u think a lot and try to adapt to changes. One thing for sure, on my part, getting to know someone normal is the most difficult task EVER..During pre relationship lah..u get to a person first kan? If you're facing so much difficulties there, the early stage to a dating game, when will you achieve a relationship?

Why is it hard to find NORMAL people? Why cant people just behave normal? Be cool? Be classy about things? And not taking dating as something that would end your WORLD if you don't make it there? JUST BE COOL PEOPLE!!

Also, action speaks louder than words..Say the word, i LOVE you? Means I'm "Letting Only Vocabs Enter" you..

Action wise would be, I'm "Listening Obediently Views Expressed" by you..That screams...L.O.V.E...without saying..

Where have all the NORMAL people go? They're either taken or just simply dead. I assume the world is left with abnormal people and im going to stay single for the rest of my pathetic life and getting old loving shoes forever.

Monday, September 4, 2006

Perfection is Self Abusive..

Last week was a tiring & stressfull week..Even though we had our merdeka celebration, but i was bz packing and unpacking stuff, up and down from previous place and up and down to my new place..Hell i had so many stuff. its like im married with 5 kids..

So many things happen and i got into depression for quite a moment..i was just too tired and upset with many things. Since im soo particular about having things in order 24/7, things didnt look good. the place was soo messy with so many dust around, i also had to DIY my cabinets & other things..So many unfortunate events occured that lead me to my depression & meltdown..I wanted things to be perfect..in my case, too pefect..I couldnt live with even a slight detail gone wrong. When things dont turn out the way i planned too, i get upset. At a moment, i thought to myself, why am i like this? Why cant i just live selamba & like everyone else? Again, if u think Bree Vandekamp is crazy, i am her..Everything has to be picture perfect for me..Every angle & every little things laying around would just explode me..

Eventhough I had everything planned, but it all turn out hell..

  • I made a list of things to move and where everything should be located.
  • I labelled all the boxes according to its location to be opened and identifying fragile or not, what items & size.
  • I planned on which day to do what & to finish them on the said day & never to have extensions of time.No contigencies required.
  • I made a list of things to buy for the house & had everything budgeted for so that it wouldnt burst.
  • I set my hp to a profile only that i could receive certain numbers to reach me and not wanting others to bother my moving activity.
  • And all this made others to think...im crazy..

I just wanted a perfect timing for everything & it would be an achievement for me realise all these. It would just give me self satisfaction. Cleaning a dirty toilet to make it look like 5-star hotel bathroom is just orgasmic to me..I dunno why..

Sadly, things didnt turn out the way i planned..Everything screwed up big time..Some of the things that happen are:

  • I lost my claims cheque somewhere god knows where. I should have banked-in when i had the opportunity, but honestly, i didnt have the time..
  • I overspent at Ikea buying things that i shouldnt coz i couldnt control the temptation of getting the stuff that wud beautify my place. I then decided to return some of the stuff the next day. Headin towards the car, i had to cross a 3ft deep longkang, and then! The curtains that i wanted to return slipped off my arms and fell into the longkang!! Aarrgghh..I tried to dig it with a stick but the longkang was too deep..There goes RM80 down the drain!! My gawwdd!! I was upset and couldnt except such stupidity. I shud hv been more alert, more careful and more aware..I was so angry at myself...Coz i wasnt perfect..and i always wanted to be perfect and never make mistakes..
  • I successfully constructed a self made wardrobe at my old place. i dismantled it and plan to construct it again at the new place. i had to drill the wall & screw it onto the wall. to my surprise, the walls are load bearing and god knows how many reinforcements inside the blocks. everytime i drilled, it wud just penetrate a mere 1.5cm's and hit the steel bars. for sure, it couldnt withstand the weight of the outrageous amount of clothes i have..i manage to get it hung up the wall..stood 4 feet away from the wall to glance at the work of art that made, even though knowing, its impossible to stand with that hole deep. it was about 3am at the time..knowing my selfmade wardrobe was a success, i just had to ensure that the room shud compliment my gorgeously constructed wardrobe by ..vacuuming the whole room..since it was 3am, i knew there wud be dog shit laying infront or on the front door..being my crazy self and not liking to wait till morning, i decided to still remove the dust by..picking every little dirt and broken cement plaster on the floor using my fingers and also a wet cloth to collect the dust away from the carpet..i know none of you would do such thing to urself & thinking its a self abuse behaviour, for me..its just part of perfection..i decided to hang all my clothes in the morning..
After getting up at about 11am, i stood and enjoyed looking at the ever so difficult wardrobe causing blisters. i started to load it with some shirts feeling proud that i made it & my room wud look great..the glory lasted for about 8 minutes, then suddenly the whole wardrobe came crushing down!!!!! There were dust all over, and all my clothes was talcum like stained! After goin thru that dust collecting exercise at 3am, i then had a major breakdown..things were again..imperfected..and disturbed my mental higly..

I decided to just remove the stupid self made cupboard and just get a whole new cupboard from a local furniture shop which cost me..$800..2 wardrobes to fit in all my clothes, pants & god knows what i have..

i repeated the routine of vacuuming and clearing the room to make way for my new cupboard to arrive..im now poorer of $800 and god knows i've spent almost every single dime of my salary..im now officially broke!

my cupboard arrived with 2 men carrying them and smelling like a dead fish..i had to spray the room with my Chanel cologne as i couldnt find the Febreeze..still, their smell beated possibly 4 years of research to produce the said fragrance..i aired the room instead..

well, finally, my room was all good..cleaned..and not even a slight dust in the house..my sister Elona used to say, you're not a robot..ur human..at times imperfection is beautiful..u just dont realize it..

Perfection is the highest torture for self abuse..i have a problem with it..and i know it..i need help..

Monday, August 21, 2006

Clubbing & Wedding

Last weekend was tiring & pathetic..i had so many things done in a day, so many places went, and bla bla..

Woke up at about 10.30am on saturday..vacumed & cleaned the house (as my usual ritual of cant tolerate even a slight partical of dust floating in the premise)..later had to buy paint stuff for the new place as im too lazy to paint the house myself (it'll take ages for me to finish due to my obssesive compulsive behaviour thinking that i must have missed a spot somewhere and kept on painting..and painting..and painting). went to the hardware with mady to get the tools. Was at Ace Hardware(its like a designer hardware shop with organizedly arrannged tools with aircond and prices were 20 percent higher from the apek hardware shop where its all smelly & a nicely dressed chap wud just be an easy target to be cheated) and got the things i needed. Got ourselves lunch at Ayamas, a whole chicken as we were starving. Head to hedy's and stuffed ourselves.

As evening rose, we decided to hv a little fun tonite. Clubbing perhaps, at O'range. I got all ready & dressed up & even waited excitedly at the door for hedy & raha to come get me. I heard the sms beep (thinking it was frm hedy saying "turun!") and read it to my shock, they canceled. With my ego shooting sky high, i insisted hedy to come get me & lend me his car for me to still enjoy the nite out. ALONE. With full of anger & tantrum, i drove to the club. Called Andre to check out where he was. He was a life saver, as always..he was at O'range with gang.

I didnt get much fun at the club as they were playing lousy music all nite long..Pussycat Dolls "Buttons" were repeated 3 times..That song shud now be called Pussycat Dulls Buttocks..as it made most of us there just stood still or rather head to get a seat..having a DJ who just sits there & put on a CD, i thot..how sad.

The peak of the nite was when Glitters came out to perform. They did a mimick of Feminin & Res2 from the 90's..I thot they were brilliant. They also performed Loose My Breath by Destiny's Child like the video. It was entertaining & all the effort they put in for it, I solute..As our fun & ONLY entertainment was about to put us back into misery land, the music was on the air again playing..u guessed it "Buttons"..

After pretentiously enjoying the music and thinking that my mind couldnt bear with it anymore, i decided to make a move & head home..The end of Saturday..

Sunday begins, waking up at 11.00am..showered & hedy decide he wanted to jalan2..we head straight to Headqueerters (KLCC), dressed in our sunday attire. A polo tee with shorts & sliped on my overpriced Prada sandles that i specifically bought for weekend use and would wipe it clean when im done and place them in their luxury box to rest..thinking that i could bear with a lousy top & unfortunate lookin shorts, but my feet needs luxury always..

I was hunting for new bed sheets. Since im moving and having a whole new environment & space, i thot the color of my sheets shud blend in with the room. Hedy was whining that im taking too long analyzing sheets by the strands and thinking that im about to waste almost RM200 on sheets. I was going with the earthly color concept. Head over to Aussino, they were on sale and got myself 3 sets of queen sheets for a mere RM135! Hope it all turns out fantastic with the room.

I had a wedding to attend later in the evening with Raha at Concorde Shah Alam. Our fren was the bride, a 35 yo lady who tried to turn me straight 2 years back and asked me out. I am OUT! She even offered me an intimate moment together with her if i wanted. Well, obviosly i rejected the offer and had to kill her effort of trying to get me load her vessel. I wonder what it feels like to be loaded? Mind you..i upload..not download..I wonder how it feels like? Since im more of a pro at blowing guns & a sharp shooter in the bat cave..I'm sticking to Batman, not Wonder Women, at this moment of time. Anyhow, she got herself a not so bad lookin chap to down-load her for life..I hope she's happy.

At the wedding, the eldest brother decided to make a speech. Bald with a songkok on, he mumbled 5 mins of introductory words and then...BAM! It was all about HIM.Seemed that he's got this sickness (Lukemia) and he had to tell the entire guest at the all red and brown colored hall that he's sick. He said griefly that he was sad and pity his children & family, that soon, he would be dead. And this all happened at a wedding! Speaking of stealing thunder! Its a wedding for gawd's sake! Not on Death Row! I know that you're dying or your whatever things is wrong in your system, and left with god knows how long to live, but its your little sister's WEDDING! Its a time for celebration, for HER, not YOU! I could hear the other table sobbing and tears was everywhere. I was all annoyed with his speech that i thought this should be a post funeral party for him. Least he got to see face expression and tears of his loved ones, or in this case, public. Pathetic.

I hated weddings since adam & eve got together..i hate the fact that i had to stare at the screen for the show(using powerpoint) of how the couples met and end up in love..how they each grew up and how they met..ya..ya! ur in love and gotten married..im happy for you, but i dont want to suffocate my inner self by watching you guys happy..i am happy for you guys, but with limitations as my emotion is unstable to handle such tremendous affection..its a tragedy for me.

I had to just call my bitching fren, Aziz & told him about it. Raha & i then head back home & bitched about it more in the car & let out all our ideas and comments till we ran out of curse and words to say.

Got home, got into my pajammas (i wear baju melayu to sleep ok) and held on to the novel i read nitely..till i was all sleepy & dreamed away..

Friday, August 4, 2006

P.E.N.A.T (Perasaan Entah Nak Atau Tidak)

Even typing those letters gave me a tiring feeling (I even exhaled deeply). Penat kan? Aziz granted me with the title Drama Queen of the Month for 2 consecutive months in a row. My drama was overshadowing his, daily.

Have u gone out dating & thinking what the hell are you up to and what the hell does he want with you? Its like, am I dating? Or am I just hallucinating that im actually really dating this person? Just because there was attention & care surrounding it, does that make you on a date?

People like me have just turn out cuckoo because im out dating too much or like what aziz said, theres no resting point for me. It kept on going on..and on..and on..in desperation to be loved..how silly.

The thing is, I like the term "Move On"..Im not going to sit down & be sad about the things that didnt work out with the other guy. I would be sad, no doubt, bitch about it with the rest and Ill go "whatever"..next..? U wanna keep intouch, im all ok..If not, im in no loss either..ive gotten immune with this and tend to behave a bit certain about what I want..

At some point, u will tend to compare & trying to unite all the best qualities from the guys you've dated into one..and that would be your mr right..but then again, thats so berangan lah..nobodys perfect..u win some, u loose some..but so penat lah..

I dont know whats wrong on my side..but I tolerate a lot on others. Such as:

- bad dandruff on collar that it seemed to be snowing in KL. No watch shampoo ad on tv ah?

- walking faster than me & made me talk to myself all the time & resolve the issue by myself. Pathetic.

- bad breath. I even carry sweets when im out dating. To forgo ciggarate smell..effort people!

- taking all the time in the world..not punctual.

- short sms reply like "yes", "no", "dah", and most irritating, "k" as in ok.When I indeed sent lengthy sms's.

Well, yesterday on the messenger, Aziz irritatingly counted all the candidates or potential soulmate search conducted by myself throughout 2006 till today..I just realize, theyre all amazingly penat..

Most of them are all Penateers. All unsure about themselves and weather to proceed or not.What shall we do when we're dating a Penateer? Pemalu lah..Jual mahal lah..U call me first lah, then I call back in return tomorrow lah..What THE hell???I DONT HAVE all the time in the world to wait for you..Under depression & needed time alone for god knows how long lah..whats this?? I thot since im into mature elder men, I could get quality and maturity from them..Gawd..some are just being little sisters of mine.Not even if u could afford to buy me a Convertible Beetle as a gift or take me & frens overseas just for the sake of spending time with me undercover..Whats all this?? Penat kan?

A penateers existence in your life may take some time for them to totally disappear..because they would always come back trying..If u experience a Penat fella, tell them ur Letih (Lelaki emosi terurus ingin hasil)..Good one.

Saturday, June 24, 2006


It is not an easy task to find a true loved ones..from best frens, to finding a nice soulmate..it all takes pressure & loads of stress to ensure each individual in your life would make u happy..

But out of all the issues & problems encountered by me in the process, LIYING wud be the greatest turn off EVER..well, probably there wud be 2 categories, a small lie, & a BIG lie..

The current date that im with, is on its way to expiry (please read blog "expiry date" to understand of term). It was nice at the start..bit bumpy in the middle..then too much hidden agenda around..too much secrets unveiled..lalala..i then did my own personal investigation..

and only to know..he's attached..FBW...these kind of people shoud be thought a nasty lesson.bcoz they play around with your feelings..

when people are in love or too much attraction going on, u tend to forget & ignore the signs..i dunno about all of u out there..but im always blind..i thought i was smart, well, there others who are smarter...

The last love i had ended year 2005..till today, i've yet to find a replacement...bcoz its impossible to find a good one with chemistry ever flowing..someone that fits the shoe..

Someone that..
Would never cross my mind..bcoz he's always on my mind..

Someone that..

I never liked him ..because I loved him.
Someone that..
I don't want him ..because I needed him.
Someone that..
I wouldn't cry if he left.. because I would have died if he left.
Someone that..
I wouldn't live for him..because I would die for him.
Someone that..
I'm not willing to do anything for him ..because I would do everything for him.
Someone that..
I would chose my life..because he is my life.

Sounds impossible to some of you, but bare with me..

I got it once..

But i let him go..

Because then again..

He was a liar also..

Until today i still feel the same..

Even knowing the facts & to face the sorrow..

No matter how hurt it made me be..

But my love for him is still there tomorrow..

....When u get this feeling..u found love...

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Expiry "Date"

I believe everyone experienced going out for dates, getting to know a person..nice dinner outing..watch a movie..gigling and laughing at each others silly jokes, trying to touch each other but in an accidental manner..'whatever' and finally, if you're lucky, DESSERT for supper..

How long usually a person would take to know some1? How long wud the dating game shoud last? What if the person ur getting to know is so ready to have you as his or her companion, whilst ur not ready and still require time to get to know him or her? Have any of you experienced a 2 week period before expiration? It all ends up after 14 days..Its like a voice from the horror movie (I forgot what the title is), when u watch a videotape and u get a phone call, saying S.E.V.E.N D.A.Y.S...In this case..its F.O.R.T.E.E.N D.A.A.Y.S...

The person ur interested and seeing wud be the so called horror tape ur watching..and a voice wud appear in ur mind saying FORTEEN DAYS...Bloody hell..

People say that u wud only know the real true individual after 3 weeks of knowing each other..the first week is total bullshit..believe me people..Its all shitty love and trying hard to get you..With all the praises, butterflies in the stomach..well, its only natural..its part of being human i guess..

How wud u get to know such person when ur Expiration DATE only allows u 2 weeks? I assume most of you have been in a situation when, during dating times, everything is wonderful n colorful, but after you're a couple, give it 8 months, u see the true colors of him or her n figuring how to escape from the cage.

Lovable and truthful, filled with the attention u needed, caring and calls u 10 times a day, and out of sudden..Doors slowly shuts. Do u question, where is that wonderful person that i knew before? As i said before, the first 3 weeks is all drama people..Dun Trust Them..Take ur time and never allow others to push u..Take this example, they're starting to run after the 2nd day, ur still walking n taking ur time..They take ur hand and seek u to run together with them..DONT RUN WITH THEM! Your Prada heels or Gucci dress shoes are not made to run! If you do, what if u run full speed, and suddenly they stopped running? Not even jogging before they stop, like, stop STOP? Ur in full speed and u cant stop running..thats when ur in trouble..At the end, u'll be running alone..

Im not saying that every date wud turn out shitty like some of us experience. I envy my frens who have companions for years and still growing strong..they were meant to be together..some of us maybe take longer time to find ours..patience..never give up and believe that there's some1 out there for you and me..Never consume words coming from others thinking that ur just in for a ride, rebound, or just sleeping around..U know what u want..Thats important..

Take ur time..It wont hurt u that much if things dont work out..Ur still in the safe zone..To hell with them who rush you and thinks that you're the goddess they've been waiting for..coz first of all, neither of us are goddess..for gods sake! I know its nice and good to hear that from a stranger, but i wud prefer to hear that coming from frens who i've known for years..If they say ur a goddess..U ARE A GODDESS!! Its more sincere and u've known them all these years..

Be prepared..face the world..Its a shitty world out there..with the assholes surrounding us..be careful..Hold on to your best buddies..they're the ones who wud stay with u longer than others..they are ur true companions..for l

Flash back....

hmm..its been a while since i wrote.well, i've been extremely bz.catching up datelines which i will never catch & never will i finish the said work.its a pathethic final accounts of several subcontractors, who even offered me duit raya if i were to speed up their accounts.It would definitely help me settle some bills..but then again, its unethical, or the proper phrase, its UNISLAMIC PEOPLE!!..for the fact that i studied in UIA..& work for Tabung Haji..what r the odds??My first lady boss is harrassing me of when will i settle them..Like i care?? Appraisal day was last week. I scored a 12 out of 14, & 14 is the minimum score.How can they evaluate me out of 3 months of me being here? whatever..

To my surprise, my previous dates called to keep intouch with me back..i thot it was just a friendly gesture, since after all, its ramadhan.Well, at some point, its not just keeping intouch, there were some weird moments. One of them was when, the word 'sayang', which the person used to call me when we were dating, came out accidentally, twice on the same day! When we were in the middle of a conversation..To express unsatisfactory of my statement..Instead of saying..whatever 'Ezwan'..it came out..whatever 'sayang' Hmm..Well, then i paused for a moment..Flashback of the times we had.It was sweet & nice to hear that particular word comin from someone..when someone really meant it..I know ur clapping ur hands Lee.Adly is so encouraging me, and stop it! But again..its an expiry date remember?It expired already..Just left the remainings that no longer good for me..But that wouldn't stop me from still looking at it once in a while would it?I dun think rotten food could be recooked again..could it? well..i dunno..Again..its not all that rotten i think..hmm..probably like when ur food spilled out frm ur plate onto the table.U either leave it there or u scoop it up back into ur plate..Ok tak?

I was so stress with work & also some things on my mind previously..I even skipped puasa, not for food, but for a dose of nicotine..I haven't been a good boy this ramadhan..To my surprise, ramadhan is comin to its end already..I used to recite the Holy Quran every year, everyday of the ramadhan month.But i didnt do it this year.Thats weird of me.Im not all that goodie, but since Satan are all tied up, it does give a big impact on my daily routine, i tend to be better usually.Hmm..

My ex from Taiping, S, also called to wish selamat hari raya..I haven't heard since 3 years back..my first love...distance kept us apart...but understood me best..our birthdays are just 1 day apart.Previously, on our birthdays, when it strikes midnite, one special day ends for someone, one special day begins for someone.. It was really nice..I always wanted to meet up, but S always made reasons not to, for the past 4 years.Distance, work & etc..But the truth, it was more on feelings & emotions..Its just hurting when the feeling starts to get attached again when we see each other, but more on S part..But then, to my suprise, after the phone call, S wants to come down KL!! But to my surprise, why this year? why not last year? or the year before that? Anyway,told Wanie about it. Wanie & Hedy was all excited to get to see the package of 'see no touch or u get canning from ezwan' product from Taiping..It is a drooling view to look at..hehe..Im all excited as well..at the same time..worried. S is full of surprises..Said got a big news to break..Im wondering what would that be..Marriage? Moving to KL? Promoted? I wouldn't want to think about it now..

Anyhow, thats all for now..

BIMBO Moment

Well, its been so long since the last time i wrote here..I've been extremely busy with work. As if there r people out there that read my blog religiously, like its that interesting.anyhow, whatever..

Im here to share of what Aziz, Lee, Neyna & Syook call BIMBO Moment.I believe everybody has experience this before, but it all depends on the level of extreme bimboness ur born with. im here to share mine.

Bimbo Moment no.1:

I was in a meeting with subcontractors several months back with my second boss together in the meeting room. We were arguing issues about claims & la..la..la..then out of sudden, my boss said;

"Ezwan, pegi amik specs atas meja"

I got off my chair, and went to his cubicle to get the 'specs' he required. I then took his specticles, went back in the meeting room and with full politeness, handed over his glasses thinking that he needed it to read. He wears contacts at times though.When i handed his glasses, he's faced changed & said;

"Lah..aku nak Specification (short term for it is call SPECS) bukan cermin mata aku!" All cosntruction people shud know this term as its widely used like the word 'Me'.

The whole room burst with laughter & i was so embarrased that it felt like i was walking with my undies around them..only gawd knows what it felt like..But then, u cant blame me for it rite? he did say 'specs' which my brains responded to spectacles and not specifications due to a brain memory function that responds faster on fashion products rather than intellectual products.hmmphh..am i sad or what..

Bimbo Moment 2:

I was in a meeting room discussing about our tender agreement with our partners. I was suppose to chair the meeting bcoz my second boss is away for haj. I managed to do it halfway & just couldnt believe what im saying to this strangers who's interested in a project that i single handedly managed the calculation & that i wud say, a bit nonsense here & there. well, contractors do cheat u know. anyhow, thats not the issue. Then later my General Manager came in to the rescue and took over on explaining the real stuff. Our partners made copies of their calculation and specifically said to me earlier;

"Thats your copy, we have ours"

After discussion ends, the copy of the calculation is still in my GM hands.He then sat down resting his back on the chair in a very relaxed manner, put the calculation on the table in a distance of 65cm(im actually measuring this on my table now to be precise) next to me while his hand on his head and said;

"Wan,gi buat kopi"

I then went all huh? But to maintain intelligence & poist, i stood up, took the calculation and went straight out the meeting room in blurrness..

Now, let me tell u the scenario around here during that particular moment.

1) The makcik buat kopi is off today i dunno why. gi interview agaknya..

2) The partners did say that the particular calculation is our copy.

Now, does he want me to make kopi(as in coffee, but he said it like 'kopi')?since the tea lady is on leave today & we've been discussing for so long that i cud see some of us are sleepy.

Or..Does he want me to make copy(as in the calculation copy which is irrelevant bcoz we already have one)

I was all huh?? I went over to my mates cubicle and seek their advice on what he really wanted. They were also blurr and both demands cud be true. I went..hmm..

Not wanting to get the second Bimbo Moment, i dared myself to go to him in the meeting room to seek conformation.

"Sir, u wanted me to make kopi?(using my fingers in a stirring motion) or u wanted me to make copy?(pointing the calculations i held in my hand). I cud felt my blood rushing towards my head when his faced turned bit unfortunate and manage to grab a 17 pages of A4 sized paper infront of him and sort of threw it to my well ironed shirt hitting my chest! He then said;

"Copy lah! Photocopy! Nak suruh buat kopi apahal??"

He said it anger but i cud see, AGAIN, sarcastic gigles around me coming from the partners and it reminded me again of the previous situation faced(pls refer Bimbo Moment 1) & thinking that i was so...BIMBO..

I couldnt help it but to dash out of the meeting room & to my surprise, i wasnt embarrased, but i laughed my way out & had my ultimate laughter at the photocopier room. But my hands were shaking when i made the copies. I then took the copies & went back into the meeting room, put it infront of him, and faced down the whole time. Not wanting to look at the partners face that wud just make me...Laugh out loud!

He then said "Apa lah kau ni.." But his face was so angry. I thot that he felt I embarrased him or was fooling around with him infront of the partners..more like..not respecting him..but that wasnt my intention..it was all ME..and my BIMBO Moment..
To others, please be careful when u experience such scenario, especially when it involves ur future. there's no warning to it & any type of response from parties at present may cause worse memory damage to ur brains due to the giggles & laughter & also ur self asteem..in other words, it gets worse after a session..it cud repeat again..and u'll never know when it struck you...s..c..a..r...r..y...

The face of "Stopping Traffic"

Do u know when people say "Stopping Traffic"? when a billboard or a poster with a fabulously sexy pose along the highway and drivers tend to slow down to take a peek of it? Like the sexy Calvin Klien add or the Victoria Secret.well,thats what im goin to share with people here today, but mine is pathetic.

Was suppose to collect documents at a clients office today, so i thot to wake up a bit late & go from home.left the house at 10am, head for Sg Buloh and to my surprise, it was hell of bunch of documents & drawings. got the client to sign "received" on the office letter for the huge amount of check that i passed to him, afraid that office might think i songlap the money or something like that lah.it took me a while to get into the car, my hands were full with the dictionary thick like documents & multiple rolls of drawings. after i manage, head str8 back to the office.

i parked my car opposite the office tower at a futsal area(coz parking in the building is ridiculously expensive & only perdana cars & above park in there). thinking how the hell am i going to carry all these documents & drawings. i said to myself "be smart & u can manage them all the way up to the office. i held on left hand the drawings which is outrageously heavy, on rite hand the overly thick tender documents & also, in a clear folder, the letter signed by the client "received check". it was also suppose to be proof that i was out from the office to collect those stuff & not out merewang, like i always do anyway..gi meeting lah, gi bank lah..go site office lah..instead i was at Factory Outlet Bkt Bintang finding bargain & discounted office or casual shirt that looked like a $500 designer shirt.anyway, thats not the point..

as i manage to held all the papers in both my hands, i had to cross the bz road.road seemed clear, wind was blowing strong ...THEN! the signed "received" paper got BLOWN AWAY!! IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BLOODY ROAD! the wind kept on blowing. i was extremely shocked & the first thing on my mind was "They're gonna know that i skipped work today!.thats my only proof that im a good employee!!" i then with full confidence place all papers held in hand by the side of the road kerb, and to my daring action (i cudnt think on anything else as i was so afraid of getting bash from my GM of not presenting that piece of paper), i crossed the road and STOPPED the traffic! FYI, there are 2 pieces of paper, one is on my side of the traffic, the other was ON THE OTHER SIDE!

first i had to stop my side, all the motorist stop, embarrasingly i bend down & pickup the paper while one hand was still on air hoping that they wudnt run over me.THEN, i stopped the other side traffic to pick up the other piece! basically, i STOPPED BOTH TRAFFIC! god knows how i felt & the things i would do for my career. i cud sense several motorist were giggling at me & i didnt look at them at all cause i felt so silly & nothing compared to this kind of embarrasment. this is not stopping traffic cause u look gorgeous on a billboard, its stopping traffic cause ur..dumb.

p/s: those who were at the crime scene, please forgive me for stopping ur journey a mere 4 minutes..im just speechless..