Tuesday, March 4, 2008

The Search Of The New Assistant

The reigning Contracts Manager (The Devil Wears Kamdar) is leaving and i'll be taking over to be the newly crowned (The Devil Wears Prada). Im now looking for a junior QS to be my assistant to torture. I was drafting the ad and this came out first.

A job vacancy to be the ASSistant to the Senior Quantity Surveyor. Bachelor's Degree in Quantity Surveying is a must.

The requirements:
  • Must be willing to work under pressure even when screamed at or insulted on appearance.
  • Must be very detail in performing work & errors can only be tolerated until 2nd attempt.
  • Must be ANALytical. To perform all the progress & research reports.
  • Must posses a transportation (at least a motorbike) to transport all my correspondences to the headquarters & probably run some errants for me (pay bills).
  • Must have high common sense, fashion sense & can make good conversation with me (ONLY when required to speak)
  • Must be on submission time when task are given.
  • Excellent english command is a must.
  • No rudeness attitude or he shall pay the price.
  • Not a square toe'd shoe wearer & synthetic material shirts owner.
  • Perfect or toleratable teeth arrangments only. People with braces will sore my vision.
  • Weight is in between 60kg-70kg. Anything more, please think twice.
  • Only males or in between sexes are welcome. I dont do girls.

If you are hired, here are the next rules to obey:
  • NO office bags bigger then the whole of you to the office. You are not a show girl.
  • Please call me every evening at 10pm latest to ask what shirt color am i wearing tomorrow so that u dont wear the same color as i do. I get the privilege to decide on color.
  • NO Brylcream or the like allowed on your hair as i dont want to see that milk color sweat dripping down your forehead. Only Gel allowed.
  • NO sporty watches. Your're here to work, not to sport.
  • NO multicolored socks or anything too vibrant. I get headaches.
  • Never ask me out to lunch with you, unless i ask you first.
  • To wear cologne on daily basis.
  • If u see me at the mall or eateries, HIDE.
  • Buy my breakfast at 9am sharp as i reach office at 9.15am latest. I need cold water with it.
  • You will always be within my sight whenever im around. I dont like finding people nor shouting to call you. NOT even when u have to go to the toilet.
  • NO wearing visible undershirts. Make sure its hidden.
  • Answer all my calls & take down all unwanted messages. By Friday at 3pm, call all my frens to ask what have they plan for the evening.
  • Answer my call at EVERY call by the 3rd ring. I DONT like calling twice or voicemails. Take your phone in the shower if u have to.
I hope you'll be looking forward to work with a helpful frenly senior. You will get good exposure & experience in the construction industry together with good enumeration package. Please apply if you suit all the above.

I have an applicant, Deebah..but i rejected..please click her name & read why..haha

-my first draft..-