Sunday, October 7, 2007

Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD)

I think i have a problem. I think i have a sickness...and i think its getting a bit the day. But i dont think its wrong..its just being..perfect.. I dunno why, but im just too clean and im into symmetrical arrangements. Some of the events that i could remember are:
  • I get this wonderful indescribable satisfaction by looking at a car getting washed and polished to perfection. Especially when using that machine spinning polisher thingy. I also get the excitement when i see a dirty car, and imagining how wonderfully satisfying if i get to clean it to perfection and making it look brand new. Sick?
If only u knew how i feel when i look at this before & after effect..
  • I like things to be in symmetrical. How i arrange things at home, the shampoo's in the toilet, all at a perfect gradient from high to low, at a certain spacing between one another, and the same row. Everytime when i get into the toliet, the first thing i would do is ensure everything is aligned and organized according to my obsession. It would be very disturbing in my mind when i look at things not 'symmetry'. It would like give me a 'tick' in a head and it points out that the object infront of me is highly 'disturbing' my mental calmness.
  • I would also dry the toilet after showering thinking that being in a dry toilet gives me a wonderful luxury feeling. But i cant do it all the time coz i live with a housemate and he tends to wet the floor whenever he's in there. It would take alot of my time to perform such act. But how lovely if i have it dried.
  • I dont fancy or hate to see things in A-symmetrcial form. anything that's not balance in form. multiple objects should be of the same size. If it doesnt, it shud be in gradient.

  • Im so tidy and hygienically freaky that i now have Dettol Wipes with me everywhere i go. Mostly used to wipe the toilet seat if i need to do my 'business'.
  • I also have this thot sometimes whenever i dine outside at a restaurant or cafes; to carry and use my own sets of cutleries. I tend to question the cleanliness of the utensils used when im eating out and it runs around in my mind when i look at the spoon or fork im using, and how i have to share with the rest of the world and god knows how many human beings have already used them. It crossed my mind at times that if they can give me a hot boiling water for me to allow my spoon and fork sterilized.
  • I get disturbed when things around me are not at the same position as i left it. Things such as the ironing board, the iron wire not folded or removed from the power socket. I would think of the dangerous things that might occur if it does, such as power search or maybe forgetfulness of switching it off and may cause fire in the house. The positioning of stuff or products in the house. probably the coffee jar or sugar jar after someone used it. It has to be in the same position, same coordinates as it was first taken. I'll get mental disturbance if it's in a different position. WORSE, if its been transfered to another LOCATION. i feel like screaming.
Im enjoy this where people despise performing this

  • I cant see a wrapped food or probably chips opened by just tearing it and creating an uneven-like opening to the wrapper. I would prefer to use scissors and cut it in a straight line. thats why i carry scissors with me.
  • i cant deal looking at ring water spots on a table. usually coming from cold drinks that evaporates and with no coasters underneath. it 'ticks' me.
This would kill me

  • I can deal eating in a house at any location in the house, weather infront of the Tv, in the kitchen, in the room, wherever. I just cant stand crumbs of food on the floor or as such. If something were to spill, as the moment a drop of crumb or water drips responding to gravity pull and has nothing to save it from heading down down down to the carpet.. my mind goes berserk from the moment the food floats till it hits the floor.
  • And the list goes...

An article i read in the internet trying to understand the probability of maybe theres something wrong with me..

"Obsessive-compulsive disorder is often confused with the separate condition obsessive compulsive personality disorder. The two are not the same condition, however. OCD is ego dystonic, meaning that the disorder is incompatible with the sufferer's self-concept. Because disorders that are ego dystonic go against an individual's perception of his/herself, they tend to cause much distress.
OCPD, on the other hand, is
ego syntonic—marked by the individual's acceptance that the characteristics displayed as a result of this disorder are compatible with his/her self-image. Ego syntonic disorders understandably cause no distress. Persons suffering from OCD are often aware that their behavior is not rational and are unhappy about their obsessions but nevertheless feel compelled by them.
Persons with OCPD
, by contrast, are not aware of anything abnormal about themselves; they will readily explain why their actions are rational, and it is usually impossible to convince them otherwise. Persons with OCD are ridden with
anxiety; persons who suffer from OCPD, by contrast, tend to derive pleasure from their obsessions or compulsions.[14] This is a significant difference between these disorders"

I confess that i am a person who's suffering from an Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD). No one can talk me out of it...never...It is something that never bothers my mind if i were to think of it, but just at times maybe i think im a lil too much, but with no bad feelings..but also i think its a good thing for me, but probably not for others surrounding me.