Im Fat..

Since the day i returned back from Qatar, i knew i had gained a few kilo's..after a month past, all the fats have started to distribute around my entire body..especially, my tummy area and my face..Its so frustrating that i CANT FIT INTO ANY OF MY PANTS ANYMORE...i had to even unbuttoned my pants and cover them up with my also tight belt. i tried on my so called 'fattest' pants, and the result was devastating..im now officially.FAT.

I think i gained 2 inches of my waist line..i do want to gain a little extra pounds, but genetically maybe, the fats are all not well distributed..it always end up in my tummy, love handles and my cheeks..my ass is also lumpier, thats the good part.but other body parts, is just dissapointing..

i look like a hungry somalian kid who looks skinny but with a tummy all the way covering the eye view of land below..

Im planning to enroll gym probably in July with the help of Wan..who's a muscle fairy..hoping that i could get my body to be buffed, a flat tummy..nice rounded chest..with big arms..and no six packs..just a nicely build body and to fit into clothes wonderfully..wish me luck..that i will also be poorer of $156 monthly for the gym fees..and hoping i'll get better physique & better stamina to run my daily stressfull life..and crossing my fingers that no adik2 will come and distract me coz it is the headquarters of Gay men..not enuf that KLCC coffee cafe's are already the headquarters for meetings and usha-ing people there..the gym has to be on top of it..duhh..

I have some fellow frens who have been to the gym for almost 3 years...but looking at their physique, nada...well, i think it all depends..wheather u really workout or ur just "working out"..with all the muscle men surrounding you, i dont blame them..With my current physique, i dont think i'll be part of that..with the monthly fees equal to a Zara shirt that i can purchase monthly, i'll work hard...not to just look good, also to fit nicely into my body customed Zara shirts..waaaa...

Happy Birthday Mum..*Part 1*

On the 19th May was the day my siblings and i celebrated our mom's 60th bday party. Originally we thot of having a kenduri at home an invite all relatives and close frens to join, but thot that the bday girl would have too work for the kenduri on the preparations. We then thot it wud be best to have it somewhere nice for her to relax and chill with the loved ones around her.

The venue took place at Kuala Lumpur Golf & Country Club (KLGCC). Here are some of the pix and captions of the event before it started..

My sister and i arrived at 7pm after returning from Bangsar to get the baloons and her bday cake in Taman Tun. We got her cake from a fren who bakes the best cakes and homemade. So sedaap..

We both set up the hall for the baloons and trying out the PA system. Also, checking on song choices sang by the 40 year old singer who looks like a Tina Turner twin with awful looking glittery outfit. Gladly, i didnt take her photo. Anyway, this is what the table arrangements looked like..

The sweets we serve...

The food arrangements...

The stage for performance, karaoke and whatever thingy...





And my major task...is this fella here...who insist that i be with him all day long..



To be continued...when the party people arrives...*Part 2*

Baby's Day Out

Spent almost 2 days strolling with my nephew, Emir...a smaller version of me..He had to much sugar and went all hyper...had all his saliva on my polo tee..tiring..Lunch was at Society Cafe, Lot 10...

Renovation of Me

It has been 2 weeks that im back in KL..im so glad to be home, but also, feeling awfully tired daily due to heavy cleaning and moving all my stuff back to my rented flat from my parents place in Kajang. It's sooooo tiring...when u do things all by urself...and it also cost me so much money for the bloody aircond to get it service and re-install back again to the flat. Also because the aircond guy cheated me quite a sum and im just too tired to argue that he charged me so much and yet my aircond didnt function accordingly..

Anyway..here are some of the before and after pix taken after a mild makeover by the obsessive compulsive hygiene freak..me..

The transformation of my empty room to include a high bed frame and blister causing self constructed wardrobe.

My dressing table…

My clothes halfway filled..and hopefully it all fits without wrinkling my shirts…The tv table is also used for my laptop, due to limited space left in my room..Plan to cover the table and hid the cables & chair from sight..will think of something

My small lil kitchen with the small lil fridge for both of us in the house…We think fashion merchandise (clothes, shoes, etc) are more important…then food.. =) Less food to eat, more room to fill into best sized pants & shirts..agreed? (pointing out to Aziz & Andre)

My small lil kitchen..good enuf lah..we cant afford anything more...all budget has been contributed & scattered around KLCC..from dining to shopping…

My obsession…my life…my substance abuse…for walk of confidence...hihi...I think they need more frens…don’t you?

I cant stand dirty toilet…and cleaning this tough stain took me almost an hour and gave me orgasm to see it clean…satisfied! To maintain? Every 3 days require floor brushing to keep it away from foot prints that I just cant tolerate…

I was away for nearly 3 months and look what happened?? When I got back, see the result urself…

We'll..that was all the hard work..All "Ezwan Certified" clean.. =)

I Wanna Go Home..

Michael Buble
Home

Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh I miss you, you know

And I've been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
"I'm fine baby, how are you?"
Well I would send them but I know that it's just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I'm lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I've got to go home

Let me go home
I'm just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I'm living someone else's life
It's like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
But this was not your dream
But you always believed in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
And even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I'm surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I've had my run
Baby, I'm done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all be all right
I'll be home tonight
I'm coming back home.

Running for "LIFE"

Its almost 12 midnite here in Qatar…im actually in my toilet at the moment typing this blog. Well, since I run a pathetic life here in this high inflation country, whats not to be surprised about? I even watched DVD in the toilet only to allow me to smoke due to my room that's not ventilated and the toilet has exhaust fan to keep out all the unwanted odor. I have my laundry basket sitted upsite down an act as a small table to hold on to my laptop while im seated on the toilet seat..not to berry (the term refers to shitting, in a polite cute way of saying where all my frens know that I often experience after each meal) but to write this blog that I sudden had the rush to do so..

As u all know bout my plan to go back to KL, Im now facing some difficulties that I have to think of a best solution to get myself back, with dignity, respect and…according to the contract inked for me..well..thats about to change…

I've just heard from a senior at my office that people who are still under probation, are allowed to leave the company, but with one exception…the flight tix has to be solely borne by the individual to get him or her back to their origin country…no expenses borne by the company..

The flight tix from Doha, Qatar to Kuala Lumpur would poor me RM1,900 one-way..thats equivalent to a…u guessed it rite..a pair of gorgeous Italian made loafers. Am I going to spend that on air instead of where it should be spent, gorgeously crafter leather surrounding my foot to keep myself on gravity? Of course not..nobody throws money on air..

When I came here, the company purchased a return flight ticket for me with a validity of 6 months, where I was allowed to return home according to contract. Since I decided to leave this rich country and return to my homeland of the poor due to substance abuse of designer shoes yet fantastic city earlier then expected, contractually, I was not allowed to use the flight tix to get my ass home..the company shall cancel my return home tix, eventhough it was already paid for. Maybe its some sort of punishment for leaving so soon and wasting their time..well, when there's a will…there's a way…

I planned to tender my resignation by the time I've gotten my salary for this month. i was suppose to serve a 2 weeks notice, without pay, then return back home..the thing is, I can serve the 2 weeks period, but whats in for me? Not only I don't get paid and still extend my sufferings here, the company doesn't even sponsor my flight tix back to KL…I then thought..i have to have a plan..

I've decided to fled this country, without anyone knowing..its to get myself free flight back home and not splurge my own money for the flight tix..since I have the the e-ticket with me..while chewing a cold french fries during lunch today, it suddenly struck me…I can run…!

After lunch, I called my driver. Told the office mates that I was out to site. They were quiet surprise of my sudden volunteering to run myself down to the site, since before I was always giving a bitchy face and with full annoyance that I had to drag myself in my Prada's to walk all over the construction site and gather dust on my expensive shoe. But I managed to sneak out and hit the road..

I headed straight to the Emirates office in god knows where..entered the office and my heart was pounding..thinking that if I get caught..im in deep shit..took a number and waited for my turn, feeling guilt…

Trying to calm myself down and saying to myself to make me feel better, I said "im doing the smart thing…since the stupid company wont spend a lil bit for my flight tix and get me working for free of 2 weeks, this was the right thing to do..i should outsmart them..eventhough technically its unethical...but for the love of my money which is not that much of what i have to be spent on air, it's the rite thing to do..at the moment..

Got to the counter and my tix were ready..i get to go home on the 3^rd May..

"There's 2 flights Sir, flight at 11pm and 3.45am…which one u prefer?"

"Uhmm…hold on" I had to think of the best flight schedule. I had to think of a way to sneak myself out of the house while everyone's asleep..i needed time…I was using all of my brain cells to come out with an answer and removing all the wish list stored in my head to make space..so nerve recking with the guilt feeling and my palms were sweating like I was holding an ice cube..i said, "Put me in the 3.45am"..that would give me sometime.and the rest of the guys would be asleep..

"Which would u prefer to be seated? Aisle or Window" I answered "Aisle..my legs are long..i need to sit with a crossing leg" The aisle will provide sufficient space for my feet." He must have thought that was the most ridiculous excuse for an aisle seat.Leg crossing? whatever..

After tapping on his keyboard, he said to me "Sir, I cant book u a seat"…I suddenly felt blood rushing thinking that my company suddenly detect that I was getting myself out without them knowing…I said "Whats the problem?" he replied "Your name is too long, I cant get it to book the seat that u asked for"

With full annoyance and irritated feeling plus the stupidity of the answer the ticketing guy gave me, I replied "That doesn't make sense?? I cant choose a seat cos my name is too long??" The figure of my parents suddenly appeared in my head thinking will this problem happen to me forever whenever I travel coz they name me with a first, a middle and a last name?? oh my gawddd…that's silly isn't it!!!they should have just named me Harris! dont ask why..i just like the name.

I said to him "Are you for real?? Just make it short then..I want to be seated by the aisle.." he replied "No can do Sir..your name will not fit into the limited alphabet slot..we need both first and last name in it..if not, u just have to wait when u check-in later at the airport to get a seat"

Is this ridiculous or what???? How does Che' Engku Puan Sri Rozeeta travels?? Or the Duli Yang Maha Mulia Seri Paduka crap?? I suddenly realize they're all rich, royalty and seated on first class..where I am Yang Mulia XXX, royalty, deprived financially and trying to get hold of the economoney class seat…I said "Fine..I'll get the seat when I check-in"

Got my tix and now need to plan what to do next...how to fled without anyone knowing..how to run back to my beloved family and frens…how to run for "life"…

To be continued…

Goodbye Qatar..Hello back KL!

My journey here in Qatar might end soon..after struggling for almost 3 months, i've decided to return home sweet home, my Kuala Lumpur..i just couldn't bare staying here..im counting days to return back home..there were many issues that happen during my stay..well, its an experience that i will never forget..

Let me make it clear, to all you party boys & socialite wannabes, QATAR is NOT the place for you to work..believe me..unless u take along the whole batallion with u, then u'll be fine..sure its a good place to make money and earn tonnes here..by working for almost 3 months is equivalent to 1 year of my salary when i was in KL! believe me..im not kidding..but which one would you go for? money or life? im not saying that life here is all pathetic, some people are just unbearable with the life here.that includes me..i miss my parties, i miss my nite life, i miss my mamak session with pals..i miss my coffee.i miss my nasi lemak..and the list goes on..

My fren syalleh who works here, married with kids and wifey back in KL,who could survive, made a statement after i decided to leave for KL and go back to work with my old company..he said "So, if you leave & couldn't take life here, and we all could, that make us all losers? Who have no life and could survive here with not much entertainment"..

Well Syalleh, there's a mistake in your statement there..dont put me as a benchmark for a happening life.for me, u'r all winners..coz all of u guys, especially those who manage to stay for almost 3 years here, could bear with all the city tension and all the crap & fun the city gave you..i on the part, am the loser, to return back KL for just after 3 months of my stay..i solute to those who stayed longer..strong independent people..Its just not the place for me..i can do Dubai..but not Qatar..

Well, maybe there's a good thing behind all this...my ex boss even e-mailed me asking how am i doing here? he said things were different when i left..his work went haywire, and to train the new unfashionable looking no eye brow plucking girls who just joined the company, was a terrible experience for him..he wanted back his old fashionista assistant who dresses better then the CEO himself and never wore the same outfit in the same month..if im willing to return..which is what i always wanted..

The HR gave me a good response..got myself promoted and earn 3 times more than what i earned previously...its the bomb! i was so excited and felt blesssed to earn that much..alhamdulillah..i also got another offer from another company when i was in KL, but my ex office manage to counter their offer..im so happy..

Well, i looked at it on the bright side..if i hadn't come to Qatar, i wouldn't have earn what my ex office HR offered me & wouldn't have gotten promoted. i would have stayed there, earn a small pay and trying to save up money for my Prada & Gucci shoes, max out my credit card & complain every month that im short of cash..but the good side was, i was always happy..i always had enuf money to eat, i have FOS to shop for my office clothes, and still shop at Prada for my leather goods..well, not all the time.mind you..

With what is waiting for me in KL, im all excited to go back home..my offer leter has been signed by the CEO and i'll be back to my old office sometime in May..where i belong..where i performed..where i was at my best..where i kick ass in what im doing!

Also, not forgetting, my loved ones that i left behind when i was away..3 months felt like 300 years here..i miss my family, Aziz, my 6 best frens, and everybody else..cant name them all..they all know who they are..

Well...the biggest loser will return back in KL soon...to Rizal, Deen, Syalleh, Rafie and the new guy i met...Azril...you've been so great to me..all the things u guys did for me..will always remain in my heart..i dont know what i could have done without you guys by myside..im truly blessed and honored to know all of you..

To the South African guy i met at Corniche whom i bumped into and had no intention to cruise around that area coz i came with my housemates to buy fish. who plans to get into my pants by sms'ing me daily trying so hard to get me laid, well, i dont think thats gonna happen..im sexless nowadays...menopause probably! im good enuf with masturbation of once a week by watching porn or trying to imagine my previous unforgettable sex, but u were kind enuf to text me daily,even tho i knew what ur intention were..

I did get to now this new malaysian guy who i find interesting & charming and lead me to further want to get to know him, but also unsure of his sexuality, well..i dunno what to say..if it happens, it happens..so many uncertainties about you, and also, u will be back in KL soon..we have all the time in the world to get to know..even with ur plans to leave for Europe..well, maybe as frens..or maybe more..i dunno..im just scared of all this r'ship thingy..time will tell..again, so many uncertainties..but i find u interesting..i have butterflies in my tummy when im with you..

For all you guys in KL, get ready..His Royal Bimboness is coming back to KL..either to color your life or to just make ur life miserable and give u shit...muahahahaha..like i bloody care?

Tick tock tock tock...

I Miss You..

I miss my mom & dad,

I miss her food and I feel sad,

I miss both of my borthers,

I miss them askin money and bothers,

I miss my lovely gorgeous sister,

I miss jakarta trips to see her,

I miss my all my frens,

I miss the time we're all scouting on men,

I miss my coffee sessions,

I miss all the city stress & tension.

I miss my shopping spree & dine,

I miss the time my credit card got declined,

I miss my clubbing with andre,

I miss the time waking up late next day,

I miss my conversations with Aziz,

I miss the time he made fun of my fetish,

I miss my housemate maddy,

I miss screaming him to get ready,

I miss my best buddy hedy,

I miss condeming his punctuality,

I miss my time with yusri,

I miss getting him to always agree,

I miss my chats with uda,

I miss sharing gossips with one another,

I miss fun moments with mone,

I miss talking bout fashion & bank loans,

I miss my moments with blair,

I miss insulting his unfortunate looking hair,

I miss my time with shamel,

I miss his charm & witt like hell,

I miss smoking with deeba,najib & aidit,

I miss their blogs, funny jokes & gigs,

I miss my best cousin elda,

I miss outings with her & testing our gaydar,

I miss the city, I miss the sun,

I miss everything & everyone,

Missing is painful, and to feel as such,

Without missing at all, I never thot they all meant so much…

Welcome to Qatar

It's been 5 days here in Qatar. Things seemed to be ok here. Surprisingly. I thot I was gona face a terrible god knows pathetic life here,instead, things were pretty good.

Well, there are some difficult moments, such as the house that im staying in. It's a huge 8 bedroom mansion, with a kitchen bigger than the entire Frangipani, merged into one floor area. The rooms are also huge which was just too big of a space for a single tenant. Well, whatever..the worse thing is, im staying ALONE!! Its like house on a haunted hill..its spooky & scary. Bloody hell..i had to even switch on the toilet lights to make the room bit deemer instead of total darkness. God knows how spooky it is here..but thank god, another fella just moved in from KL and make his way into my house.

He's this huge built fella, dressed like one of the Harley biker boys. He's fat, bald, janggut till his tummy, wears a head scarf, sunnies on top of his head and all the bling-blings on his wrist. He also has this chain bracelet bigger than the chains used in jail cells.

He's a complete package like what u see in the movies with notorious motorbikers. I find it fascinating to encounter such person in life, and to live with. I was imagining what he was wearing, and if it was on me..hmm..imagine Rosie O'Donald with a Chanel sunnies on the head, a Hermes scarf wrapped like Erikah Badu on the head (its so in right now), a diamond bracelet from Harry Winston for the ultimate bling & sparkle, a ring as huge as a KFC nugget on a finger with hoop diamond earrings and looking all gangster like. Well, I think..

I'll end up more like Boho chic than a gangster. It was just my imagination.

Eventho he looked all intimidating and dun mess with me kinda look, he was such a sweety. The first time I talked to him was during dinner infront of the TV. I was eating my moms serunding that I refused to bring with me previously thinking that its so typical of Malaysians traveling overseas to bring such food, but it helped me big time. We talked about family n stuff, then suddenly, he broke down & cried! I was like, omigosh, whats with him? From Mr Harley to sissy Barney?

Seemed that he missed his kids so much..its was sad..i pity him..to sacrifice his family in order to earn tonnes of money and worse, to have that harley look with all those oversized chain bracelets, he has my highest sympathy..i tried to comfort him, by being all macho with a cigarette on my hand and bit lentik on my fingers and crossing my legs, said "well, its for the kids, ur doing it for them, ur promising them a better life back there"..i looked at his face and it amazed me of how long it took for his eyedrop to reach his jaw, in other words, there were too much pumped skin on his cheek area. It was like a retention pond waiting to overflow to the next level. im evil. I know...

Things were quiet suddenly. He was exhaling deeply to comfort & relax himself. We both did our own thing. I then switch on the pathetic TV, that provides all sorts of channels, from free porn (sadly hetero porns with sexy ladies with huge tities and koreking their pussy's while chatting on the phone with low life losers who calls them from home for a TV to phone sex) to Korean cooking channels. It's a cable TV. They also have Gay TV, but the shows and clips are sooo not gay. Its more like watching MTV Rewind with Ketchup Song and Baywatch with Pamela Anderson's boobs at B cup. In other words, its OLD. Its sad. They have the latest Gay TV as well, but not within subscription. Pathetic.

I couldn't take it anymore. Watching TV is a torture here. Luckily I have the complete entire season of Will & Grace for my daily entertainment. It was a gift from Raha. Least I could laugh at gay jokes. Also, the Fashion Babylon Book given by Andre & Aziz. I have two copies now. One here with me, to read during berry, the other in KL house also for berry purposes..

Well, that's the life here at the moment…im just starting....

Pa-thai-tically wrong..

Last Saturday I had a blast at LaQueen. It was just fantastic. Music was awesome and all of my wonderful frens were there. There was Andre & gang, Shamel & gang and me & gang (maddy & hedy) all merged into one. When we neared the dancefloor, I was about to stare at maddy. Just wondering what his face expression wud be like looking at all the shirtless men walking by and dancing the hell out on the floor. To my not so surprise feeling, I looked to my left, he wasn't there! I looked to my right for hedy, he wasn't there as well! Both were drowned in the sea of shirtless men. I on the other case spent $79.90 on a party shirt bought at the Curve earlier to fancy myself of looking good at the club, but the crowd was more interested in bare skin rather than on my gorgeous shirt. I felt stupid. Shud hv just wore whatever I had in the closet rather then spending that much on a shirtless disco. Bodoh kan i?Its like buying a gorgeous pair of Prada Mocassin shoe to wear to a kenduri only to know it's a kenduri baca tahlil dalam rumah and kena bukak kasut…Baik pakai selipar people! Aarrgghh..

The club closes at 3am. All of us then went downstairs to chill out and catch up on things. I cud see everyone was chatting away in different sets of groups with eyes wondering in search of a good looking chap to stare at. I then make my way to the planter box to sit & rest for a moment. Suddenly, there was this chap came sitting next to me. I was looking down at the moment looking at the damage I've done to my shoe after all the dancing & feet stepping by shirtless men. As I looked up, the guy sitting next to me was checking me out, and pulled out a sweet smile. He was really cute. I smiled back & looked down ala-ala malu camtu..vey gatal but in a classy way ok. We then talked and here was the conversation :

ThaiGuy : Whut yur neem?

Me : I'm Ezwan..Whats ur name?

ThaiGuy : I'm Diau

Me : Hah? Teeyau?

Thaiguy : Dioau

Me : Hah, Biao?

ThaiGuy : No..D..I..O..N…Dion.

Me : Oh, ok..Nice to meet you Dion.

*ThaiGuy staring into my eyes in silence*

*I got a lil nervous and smiled looking down*

ThaiGuy : Where u lib?

Me : Somewhere near Ampang. Are you Chinese?

ThaiGuy :Nooo..Aim from Thailand..Muslim fom Bangkok. here for holideh..tumoro go beck..

*I smiled at him and trying not to laugh at his accent. In my mind was Woooww..i've never done a thai guy..Ular Sawa De Cuuuuuuut!!! Kote bengkok maybeeee!(As in Sawa DiKaapp from Bangkok!). I was drooling all over and already had hard on in my jeans*

Me : Oh, ok..

ThaiGuy : U like meeee?

Me : Sure, You're cute.

ThaiGuy : U cute too..u very hensom.

* I was blushing in a sexual flirty way*

Me : Thanks..nice of you.

ThaiGuy : Can I folo u hom?

Me : Huh? Where do u stay?

ThaiGuy : Stay at frens hose..Chedas..far flom u hom?

Me : Yes, very far.

ThaiGuy : Can I folo u hom den?

Me : Sure, why not.

*ThaiGuy got up and head towards his frens to discuss on how to realize his sexual escapade with me later. Then he came with back with his 2 frens. Seemed his frens were'nt keen on him hitting it off with me.*

Thai Fren 1 : Our fren seems to really like you. He wants to go follow u home. But the thing is, its his first time in KL. We're afraid he might get lost. Unless ur willing to send him back to Cheras tomorrow.

Me : Oh, ok. The thing is, I dun have a car. He can take the LRT and manage himself from there. Maybe meet u guys there for instance. I'll take him to KLCC..then let him back safely to you guys.

Thai Fren 1 : Oh, but tomorrow we're all working. All in PJ area. We wont be in KL area.

Thai Fren 1 : Oh, but tomorrow we're all working. All in PJ area. We wont be in KL area.

*Im thinking this negotiation has too many restrictions*

Me : Fine then. Maybe I'll just meet him tomorrow for coffeeor something.

*Im now officially turned off. ThaiGuy then was upset with his frens and discuss further to ensure that he'll be safe with me, but to no avail*

Me : Anyway, its ok. I got to go already. My frens are waiting. I'll call you tomorrow Dion.

ThaiGuy : Ohkeeyy..Sorry yaaaaa..me fren worry for meee..maybe I losss..

Me : Its ok, I understand. Ur first time here. Take care.

*Whole bunch of my frens were there as well, staring from far thinking I hit it off. But when I turned around and walk back alone, there were upset and called me back*

Me Fren1 : Soooo..is he comin home with u? Somebody's gonna get laaaaiiiddd???

Me : No im not!! His fren wudnt allow me to take him back.

*I then told everyone what happened and everyone went to brutal mode*

Me Fren2 : Nooo..ezwan! U must take him home!! What kind of Malaysian citizen are you?? When guest comes, we 'entertain them'. That's a civic responsibility from the government!!

*Everyone then pulled me and circled the ThaiGuy & 2 frens like Gangsters, tapi jalan lenggang & kepit like there's a vagina in between their balls*

Me Fren3 : Eh!! Let ur fren go back with our fren! Do u know my fren here is sooohornyy?? He hasn't been having sex the past 3 months u know! We tried so hard to get him laid!! but he's so picky!! Ur fren is lucky!!

*Oh my gaaaawwwddddd…..I was just overly embarrassed that statement came out!! I did told them that I was horny when were in the club, and that the last sex I had was god knows how long. Didn't know they had to let it out in the open and I was all desperate like. I forgive them anyway, they were all drunk*

Me Fren1 : Ya laaaaa…ur fren cuuute, our fren cuuuute. Let them play laaahhh…

*What language is this?? I was thinking*

Thai Fren1 : Hmm..im just worried of my fren..anyway, I dun like
whats going on at the moment. Just too many people
participating in this negotiation.

*I felt so maluu..but im proud and happy for what my frens did tho..they were all pimping for me. It was hilarious & funny. But theres just too many mak ayam's at once..so, u know how it looked like lah..all big momma & sisters talk at the same time..MESSY..*

Me Fren 4 : Ezwaaaann!! Here, take my credit card! Go check in at a hotel! Whats wrong with you?? Don't let him go!

Me : No lah, its ok..I'll just maybe meet up with him tomorrow. Hedy's calling already. He's dead drunk & mady might be tired. I have to drive everyone home.

*Me Fren 2 was so drunk and upset for no reason and started pointing fingers with frowns all over his face*

Me Fren 2 : Kawan dia tu kong hajaaa laahh!! Tak nak bagi mamat Thai tu balik ngan Ezwan!! Apahaaaaalll??

*I thot this was too much and possibly end this and head home ASAP*

Me : Oklah guys,,I'll meet him tomorrow ok..dun worry..thansk for all u guys done tonite..im fineeeee… okaayyy?

*Everyone somehow had no more energy, and we all disperse*

When I reached home, it just struck me of how difficult it is to get laid nowadays..i didnt really wanted it that much..i just thot that maybe there was a good thing that I didn't take him home..There was a special person I thot of as well.. He knows who he is..It just struck me..that I wud have gotten all disappointed of not getting laid…but I know theres that person who loves me dearly..maybe..not for a day or nite..but for a longer period of time for me to enjoy..

Maybe..

New breed of pathetic straight men..

I've been meaning to share my experience about the issue im bout to elaborate & to just letting it out..I found that there's a new breed of men. I would call them pathetic losers.its about guy's who are willing to sacrifice their girlfriends for something in return..such as wealth, money, materials and as such..

This new breed of men are only found in the straight people's community…gay men can still come to their senses and think 'straight'…

I know 5 lady frens..3 are real ladies and 2 are unreal ladies (drag, nyah, whatever u call it), who are experiencing this scenario..

The story goes like this..they all have boyfrens who love and care for them very much..their boyfrens can only offer love, attention but very little for the lady's closet department. Shoes, bags, perfumes, cosmetics, money, fine dining, latest mobile phones,fancy apartments, cars, etc…with high taste, their boyfrens are lacking to provide that side of the department. With that, these ladies (straight & drags) tend to search for "extra source of income"..by getting to know datuk's, expatriates, and whoever that can fulfill their material needs..even by sleeping with these kind of men to gain designer items that they cant afford themselves. The problem is, even their boyfrens are well aware about it but just tend to ignore the backstage preparation, just wanting to enjoy the show on stage. Their girlfrens all stylo and for other mates to get envy off. And also taking advantage of all the "hard" work that's abusing their girlfriends sexually & morally..by staying in such apartment and living everyday with such luxuries on their girlfren's expense from all the work done..

Where are all the men's ego gone to? Does the word ego still exist in heterosexuals? As far as I know off, gaymen are very protective of their partners and if u think u got something better & someone provides u more then what the other can present, by all means..go. I don't think gay relationships can tolerate this kind of behavior. There will be too much hair pulling, sarcasm and swearing going on around..at the end of the day, one person wins..no win-win situation..someone has to go..

I can never tolerate if my partner has to sleep around just because I cant provide him materials and gifts he's been craving for. I would have boiled hot water with used mop and pour it onto him while sleeping..thats just bloody rude! I would have kicked his ass out of my life instantly! These guys are there and accepting the fact that their girlfrens are object to satisfy other men. Being there to support the ladies to gather as much "victories" as they can..what bastards are these men categorized in? For the hetero's, what if u get married someday? Will he still be 'whoring' u to others? Is it like a business proposition? Its pathetic…so pathetic..straight men are suppose to look after the ladies and being the macho men they're suppose too..but in this case..they're better off as stray dogs. Its also pathetic for the ladies & "ladies" who have relationships with such boyfrens…if u think they cant provide enuff of what u want, and the other party could, whether sexually, materially or love, dump the losers..but most of the ladies still stick to their loser boyfrens..being proud of their achievements with what they earn thru out the whole journey of acidizing those rich men..

I strongly believe..in life..what u do to others..there will be others who shall do the same to you..

How pathetic..

Lesbians nite out..

I had a dreadful time the whole of last week. Was down with fever, flu, & throat killing sore throat. It felt like I had to swallow a little kitten down my throat every 5 minutes. It was just extremely painful. One of the causes is that, I didn't remove my tonsils advised by the doctor last year cause it was just scary and the way he described the procedure, laser down my throat, I then decided to withdraw the surgery & just live with it, which in return, led to the extreme pain whenever I have sore throat.

Saturday nite was suddenly all jolly, eventho I was all sick, the whole gang wanted to have an outing and decided to go clubbing at LaQueen. I refused to go thinking that it would worsen my condition as I was about to recover. Hedy was begging me and told me that the whole gang are up for it, which is a very rare occasion to have everyone going down to the club altogether. With much annoyance & sympathy for them but not me with my sick condition & for the sake of grouping spirit, I decided to go. Just to ensure I'll be having a jolly good time & practicing 'the more the meriah" concept, I texted Andre to see weather he & gang are up for it, but no reply. Well, then we made a move.

As we reached LaQueen, I decided one of us should go up first to check out the crowd in order not to disappoint ourselves with crowd only both hands could count & save RM35 per head. There were 8 of us. I had a blast the week before ramadhan begun when I was there, but again, you'll never know.

They all decided that I should be the person to go up to check the crowd cause I know more people than they do. Its ridiculous! I had to spare RM35 to check the crowd & if its pathetic, im the one to bear the cost?? I argued my way and decided to split the cost if the crowd is awful. Everyone agreed.

As I got up the stairs and cud hear the loud music pumping and vibrating the staircase, I couldn't wait to check out the crowd. As I landed my foot on the final step, I overlooked & could see a whole lot of people on the dance floor & wud bravely say, it's a hip crowd. I went down again, whistled everyone like a mamasan calling all the anak ayam & gave them thumbs up! They all started to queue for the entry of RM35 hoping to dance their brains out & enjoy the crowd that I recommended quality & hip. I waited for everyone done paying by the staircase and we all got up together like a bunch of mean girls waiting to enter the crowd and pushing others who wud be in our red carpet like moment.

As we head closer to the dance floor, suddenly it struck most us that the people we were surrounded by happen to be shorter than all of us. Not only they were shorter, they were also in shorts! Some of them. Not only shorter and shorts, they're hair was also short. I then looked and glanced around me for further investigation of the crowd and realized, WE WERE SURROUNDED BY LESBIANS!! Aaarrgghhh!! We want no Boy "Lady's" we want people like us, Lady "Boys"!! Well, we're not lady boys as in maknyah, what I meant is boy like boy..not girl like girl..aarrgghh.. Everyone was furious at me and blamed it all on me for not taking a closer look at the crowd and wasted their RM35 that could be spent on t-shirt at sungai wang rather than on a lesbian party! Why am I to be blamed?? It was so unfair after I was being dragged to the scene without my inner sincere sick self of wanting to go in the first place.

As we all looked and stared at the crowd & trying to scout at least 1 gay men in the room, suddenly I got a tap on my shoulder, it was Zaid, Shamel & 4 other entourage who just arrived. To their surprise as like we did with Zaid busy touching & ensuring his assumed 3 hour made up hair with every strand still intact at its suppose coordinates, whispering to each other like little girls like soseh..soseh..soseh..which meant "why are there a whole bunch of lessies here that we don't know about??

Well, since we paid a whole lot money and considering that there were almost 15 of us altogether merged into one group, we enjoyed the nite together. Then suddenly, I got another tapping on the shoulder. Thinking it must be another 'sister' in crime of mine, I turned around. I couldn't see anyone at the same eye level. Then I had to tilt my head down only to find that it was the little butch lady from my office canteen yang jual air!! Oh my gaaawdd…

She was all friendly and said "tak sangka kita sama ye?" I then responded "sama ke, tak sama pun? I was referring to her manliness and the boots she was wearing with that baggy jeans & white shirt all nicely tucked in that was beyond manhood, and imagining she even grew armpit hair & shave her legs to grow even more hair whereas I shave my arms only to find it disgusting having even a slight of hair there & even trimmed my legs to have a smooth straight & presentable looking legs unlike other straight men who's legs are just covered with forest of curly eeeky looking hair that cud lead to an ant lost if it ends up on either the leg. She then responded "memang tak sama, tapi sama satu bidang lah camtu.." In translation what she meant was I own and eat spongy pussy and you own and suck cock.. I then giggled like a little girl with my hands up my mouth ala malu-malu camtu and to somewhat agreed to her statement "Ye lah kot..sama tapi tak serupa" whatever. I continued to ask her "Girlfren mana?" She responded "Ada kat depan tu, boyfren u mana?" The statement went thru my ears and down thru the nerve systems and trying to go thru my medulla oblongata to process it as a question, and to respond it with an answer. I experience a little "down" syndrome out of sudden due to the insufficient memory space left in my left brain because of too much hurtful experience all spaced up in there with no other memories left to be stored and a statement came out from my mouth after my brains processed the answer that lead me to no choice but to say "I takde boyfren lah.."

Her face changed with her messy unplucked eyebrows frowning. She responded "ye ker..takkan hensem2 macam ni takde orang nak?" I then responded "You hensem lagi, senang dapat awek beb, gua tak hensem cam luu.." I had to end this conversation soon as I realize I began to talk like a dike. Its bad for me. I then tapped her on the shoulder at a 120 degree angle cause she was too short for it to be less than 90 degrees and said "Oklah, I pegi ngan kawan-kawan I dulu ok?enjoy ya?" and quickly fled.

We did have a jolly good time eventhough I was all sick. Well, the next morning when I got up, my flu & cough worsen to what malay call 'Berembun" or staying up all nite. I then thout about last nites outing and realized that..

"Takde jantan sejantan Pengkid, takde perempuan seperempuan pondan"..agreed?

Abnormal Dating

I had a conversation with someone the other day about relationships..we discussed about how the dating game goes and what to expect from the person you're dating. Seriously, I've encounted many abnormality during dating.Thru my good and pathetic experience, the major problem that I've encountered are people who are just 'not normal'. My definition of normal here means someone who's just cool and relax while dating..Some people just need to relax. Those that I've dated are mostly so overwhelmed and behaving so insecure. Honestly! Its as if im going to leave him by the next minute or so. Its such a turn off for me and never will things work out. I believe some of you do experience such behaviour coming from others onto you. U feel like you're drowning in a sea full of too much attention. It happens most of the time.

Someone normal is somebody who would just be cool & breezy with things. Most importantly, he fells secure knowing that things will be fine, unless when things turn out bit rocky or there's a feeling that someone is about to interfere or trying to cross over his territory. In other words, feeling threatened. Then he'll take action and go all gaga…

THAT! Is acceptable attention…Not when things are ok, and you're just too eager and excited and gave up all your attention and left nothing for the other party to move or do anything for you..

Another fren did say to me.."Get someone who love's you more that you love him.." I don't know about the rest of you, but it just doesn't work with me. Is there such thing as equal love? Or the love equation is always heavier on one side?

If my fren is reading this now, I'm the one who would do the extra loving, not the one to be loved more..cause its not me. I can never handle some1 who loves me more than I love him..it'll never work..for me..When that happens, both are eagerly to love each other more and more..When there's too much love around and no fights, it'll be too boring and you'll tend to go elsewhere to get a gulp of thrill..

Things in life are very complicated and makes u think a lot and try to adapt to changes. One thing for sure, on my part, getting to know someone normal is the most difficult task EVER..During pre relationship lah..u get to a person first kan? If you're facing so much difficulties there, the early stage to a dating game, when will you achieve a relationship?

Why is it hard to find NORMAL people? Why cant people just behave normal? Be cool? Be classy about things? And not taking dating as something that would end your WORLD if you don't make it there? JUST BE COOL PEOPLE!!

Also, action speaks louder than words..Say the word, i LOVE you? Means I'm "Letting Only Vocabs Enter" you..

Action wise would be, I'm "Listening Obediently Views Expressed" by you..That screams...L.O.V.E...without saying..

Where have all the NORMAL people go? They're either taken or just simply dead. I assume the world is left with abnormal people and im going to stay single for the rest of my pathetic life and getting old loving shoes forever.

Perfection is Self Abusive..

Last week was a tiring & stressfull week..Even though we had our merdeka celebration, but i was bz packing and unpacking stuff, up and down from previous place and up and down to my new place..Hell i had so many stuff. its like im married with 5 kids..

So many things happen and i got into depression for quite a moment..i was just too tired and upset with many things. Since im soo particular about having things in order 24/7, things didnt look good. the place was soo messy with so many dust around, i also had to DIY my cabinets & other things..So many unfortunate events occured that lead me to my depression & meltdown..I wanted things to be perfect..in my case, too pefect..I couldnt live with even a slight detail gone wrong. When things dont turn out the way i planned too, i get upset. At a moment, i thought to myself, why am i like this? Why cant i just live selamba & like everyone else? Again, if u think Bree Vandekamp is crazy, i am her..Everything has to be picture perfect for me..Every angle & every little things laying around would just explode me..

Eventhough I had everything planned, but it all turn out hell..

• I made a list of things to move and where everything should be located.
• I labelled all the boxes according to its location to be opened and identifying fragile or not, what items & size.
• I planned on which day to do what & to finish them on the said day & never to have extensions of time.No contigencies required.
• I made a list of things to buy for the house & had everything budgeted for so that it wouldnt burst.
• I set my hp to a profile only that i could receive certain numbers to reach me and not wanting others to bother my moving activity.
• And all this made others to think...im crazy..

I just wanted a perfect timing for everything & it would be an achievement for me realise all these. It would just give me self satisfaction. Cleaning a dirty toilet to make it look like 5-star hotel bathroom is just orgasmic to me..I dunno why..

Sadly, things didnt turn out the way i planned..Everything screwed up big time..Some of the things that happen are:

• I lost my claims cheque somewhere god knows where. I should have banked-in when i had the opportunity, but honestly, i didnt have the time..
• I overspent at Ikea buying things that i shouldnt coz i couldnt control the temptation of getting the stuff that wud beautify my place. I then decided to return some of the stuff the next day. Headin towards the car, i had to cross a 3ft deep longkang, and then! The curtains that i wanted to return slipped off my arms and fell into the longkang!! Aarrgghh..I tried to dig it with a stick but the longkang was too deep..There goes RM80 down the drain!! My gawwdd!! I was upset and couldnt except such stupidity. I shud hv been more alert, more careful and more aware..I was so angry at myself...Coz i wasnt perfect..and i always wanted to be perfect and never make mistakes..
• I successfully constructed a self made wardrobe at my old place. i dismantled it and plan to construct it again at the new place. i had to drill the wall & screw it onto the wall. to my surprise, the walls are load bearing and god knows how many reinforcements inside the blocks. everytime i drilled, it wud just penetrate a mere 1.5cm's and hit the steel bars. for sure, it couldnt withstand the weight of the outrageous amount of clothes i have..i manage to get it hung up the wall..stood 4 feet away from the wall to glance at the work of art that made, even though knowing, its impossible to stand with that hole deep. it was about 3am at the time..knowing my selfmade wardrobe was a success, i just had to ensure that the room shud compliment my gorgeously constructed wardrobe by ..vacuuming the whole room..since it was 3am, i knew there wud be dog shit laying infront or on the front door..being my crazy self and not liking to wait till morning, i decided to still remove the dust by..picking every little dirt and broken cement plaster on the floor using my fingers and also a wet cloth to collect the dust away from the carpet..i know none of you would do such thing to urself & thinking its a self abuse behaviour, for me..its just part of perfection..i decided to hang all my clothes in the morning..

After getting up at about 11am, i stood and enjoyed looking at the ever so difficult wardrobe causing blisters. i started to load it with some shirts feeling proud that i made it & my room wud look great..the glory lasted for about 8 minutes, then suddenly the whole wardrobe came crushing down!!!!! There were dust all over, and all my clothes was talcum like stained! After goin thru that dust collecting exercise at 3am, i then had a major breakdown..things were again..imperfected..and disturbed my mental higly..

I decided to just remove the stupid self made cupboard and just get a whole new cupboard from a local furniture shop which cost me..$800..2 wardrobes to fit in all my clothes, pants & god knows what i have..

i repeated the routine of vacuuming and clearing the room to make way for my new cupboard to arrive..im now poorer of $800 and god knows i've spent almost every single dime of my salary..im now officially broke!

my cupboard arrived with 2 men carrying them and smelling like a dead fish..i had to spray the room with my Chanel cologne as i couldnt find the Febreeze..still, their smell beated possibly 4 years of research to produce the said fragrance..i aired the room instead..

well, finally, my room was all good..cleaned..and not even a slight dust in the house..my sister Elona used to say, you're not a robot..ur human..at times imperfection is beautiful..u just dont realize it..

Perfection is the highest torture for self abuse..i have a problem with it..and i know it..i need help..

Clubbing & Wedding

Last weekend was tiring & pathetic..i had so many things done in a day, so many places went, and bla bla..

Woke up at about 10.30am on saturday..vacumed & cleaned the house (as my usual ritual of cant tolerate even a slight partical of dust floating in the premise)..later had to buy paint stuff for the new place as im too lazy to paint the house myself (it'll take ages for me to finish due to my obssesive compulsive behaviour thinking that i must have missed a spot somewhere and kept on painting..and painting..and painting). went to the hardware with mady to get the tools. Was at Ace Hardware(its like a designer hardware shop with organizedly arrannged tools with aircond and prices were 20 percent higher from the apek hardware shop where its all smelly & a nicely dressed chap wud just be an easy target to be cheated) and got the things i needed. Got ourselves lunch at Ayamas, a whole chicken as we were starving. Head to hedy's and stuffed ourselves.

As evening rose, we decided to hv a little fun tonite. Clubbing perhaps, at O'range. I got all ready & dressed up & even waited excitedly at the door for hedy & raha to come get me. I heard the sms beep (thinking it was frm hedy saying "turun!") and read it to my shock, they canceled. With my ego shooting sky high, i insisted hedy to come get me & lend me his car for me to still enjoy the nite out. ALONE. With full of anger & tantrum, i drove to the club. Called Andre to check out where he was. He was a life saver, as always..he was at O'range with gang.

I didnt get much fun at the club as they were playing lousy music all nite long..Pussycat Dolls "Buttons" were repeated 3 times..That song shud now be called Pussycat Dulls Buttocks..as it made most of us there just stood still or rather head to get a seat..having a DJ who just sits there & put on a CD, i thot..how sad.

The peak of the nite was when Glitters came out to perform. They did a mimick of Feminin & Res2 from the 90's..I thot they were brilliant. They also performed Loose My Breath by Destiny's Child like the video. It was entertaining & all the effort they put in for it, I solute..As our fun & ONLY entertainment was about to put us back into misery land, the music was on the air again playing..u guessed it "Buttons"..

After pretentiously enjoying the music and thinking that my mind couldnt bear with it anymore, i decided to make a move & head home..The end of Saturday..

Sunday begins, waking up at 11.00am..showered & hedy decide he wanted to jalan2..we head straight to Headqueerters (KLCC), dressed in our sunday attire. A polo tee with shorts & sliped on my overpriced Prada sandles that i specifically bought for weekend use and would wipe it clean when im done and place them in their luxury box to rest..thinking that i could bear with a lousy top & unfortunate lookin shorts, but my feet needs luxury always..

I was hunting for new bed sheets. Since im moving and having a whole new environment & space, i thot the color of my sheets shud blend in with the room. Hedy was whining that im taking too long analyzing sheets by the strands and thinking that im about to waste almost RM200 on sheets. I was going with the earthly color concept. Head over to Aussino, they were on sale and got myself 3 sets of queen sheets for a mere RM135! Hope it all turns out fantastic with the room.

I had a wedding to attend later in the evening with Raha at Concorde Shah Alam. Our fren was the bride, a 35 yo lady who tried to turn me straight 2 years back and asked me out. I am OUT! She even offered me an intimate moment together with her if i wanted. Well, obviosly i rejected the offer and had to kill her effort of trying to get me load her vessel. I wonder what it feels like to be loaded? Mind you..i upload..not download..I wonder how it feels like? Since im more of a pro at blowing guns & a sharp shooter in the bat cave..I'm sticking to Batman, not Wonder Women, at this moment of time. Anyhow, she got herself a not so bad lookin chap to down-load her for life..I hope she's happy.

At the wedding, the eldest brother decided to make a speech. Bald with a songkok on, he mumbled 5 mins of introductory words and then...BAM! It was all about HIM.Seemed that he's got this sickness (Lukemia) and he had to tell the entire guest at the all red and brown colored hall that he's sick. He said griefly that he was sad and pity his children & family, that soon, he would be dead. And this all happened at a wedding! Speaking of stealing thunder! Its a wedding for gawd's sake! Not on Death Row! I know that you're dying or your whatever things is wrong in your system, and left with god knows how long to live, but its your little sister's WEDDING! Its a time for celebration, for HER, not YOU! I could hear the other table sobbing and tears was everywhere. I was all annoyed with his speech that i thought this should be a post funeral party for him. Least he got to see face expression and tears of his loved ones, or in this case, public. Pathetic.

I hated weddings since adam & eve got together..i hate the fact that i had to stare at the screen for the show(using powerpoint) of how the couples met and end up in love..how they each grew up and how they met..ya..ya! ur in love and gotten married..im happy for you, but i dont want to suffocate my inner self by watching you guys happy..i am happy for you guys, but with limitations as my emotion is unstable to handle such tremendous affection..its a tragedy for me.

I had to just call my bitching fren, Aziz & told him about it. Raha & i then head back home & bitched about it more in the car & let out all our ideas and comments till we ran out of curse and words to say.

Got home, got into my pajammas (i wear baju melayu to sleep ok) and held on to the novel i read nitely..till i was all sleepy & dreamed away..

P.E.N.A.T (Perasaan Entah Nak Atau Tidak)

Even typing those letters gave me a tiring feeling (I even exhaled deeply). Penat kan? Aziz granted me with the title Drama Queen of the Month for 2 consecutive months in a row. My drama was overshadowing his, daily.

Have u gone out dating & thinking what the hell are you up to and what the hell does he want with you? Its like, am I dating? Or am I just hallucinating that im actually really dating this person? Just because there was attention & care surrounding it, does that make you on a date?

People like me have just turn out cuckoo because im out dating too much or like what aziz said, theres no resting point for me. It kept on going on..and on..and on..in desperation to be loved..how silly.

The thing is, I like the term "Move On"..Im not going to sit down & be sad about the things that didnt work out with the other guy. I would be sad, no doubt, bitch about it with the rest and Ill go "whatever"..next..? U wanna keep intouch, im all ok..If not, im in no loss either..ive gotten immune with this and tend to behave a bit certain about what I want..

At some point, u will tend to compare & trying to unite all the best qualities from the guys you've dated into one..and that would be your mr right..but then again, thats so berangan lah..nobodys perfect..u win some, u loose some..but so penat lah..

I dont know whats wrong on my side..but I tolerate a lot on others. Such as:

- bad dandruff on collar that it seemed to be snowing in KL. No watch shampoo ad on tv ah?

- walking faster than me & made me talk to myself all the time & resolve the issue by myself. Pathetic.

- bad breath. I even carry sweets when im out dating. To forgo ciggarate smell..effort people!

- taking all the time in the world..not punctual.

- short sms reply like "yes", "no", "dah", and most irritating, "k" as in ok.When I indeed sent lengthy sms's.

Well, yesterday on the messenger, Aziz irritatingly counted all the candidates or potential soulmate search conducted by myself throughout 2006 till today..I just realize, theyre all amazingly penat..

Most of them are all Penateers. All unsure about themselves and weather to proceed or not.What shall we do when we're dating a Penateer? Pemalu lah..Jual mahal lah..U call me first lah, then I call back in return tomorrow lah..What THE hell???I DONT HAVE all the time in the world to wait for you..Under depression & needed time alone for god knows how long lah..whats this?? I thot since im into mature elder men, I could get quality and maturity from them..Gawd..some are just being little sisters of mine.Not even if u could afford to buy me a Convertible Beetle as a gift or take me & frens overseas just for the sake of spending time with me undercover..Whats all this?? Penat kan?

A penateers existence in your life may take some time for them to totally disappear..because they would always come back trying..If u experience a Penat fella, tell them ur Letih (Lelaki emosi terurus ingin hasil)..Good one.